Somewhere on Planet Schnark, a glamorous vampire squirrel is building an army of zombie chickens. Standing in his way is a frog with superpowers, a pest-control business and a tongue long enough to catch flying chipmunks.
Jon Bigness, a Tinley Park resident and longtime journalist, recently released his first children’s novel, The Unbelievable Ultrafrog vs. Nutsfuratu, the Giant Alien Vampire Squirrel from Planet Schnark, a wildly imaginative adventure that blends classic monster movies, superhero cartoons and nonstop silliness into one unapologetically weird package.
“It’s kinda like Dracula meets Saturday morning cartoons,” Bigness said.
That description barely scratches the surface.
The story follows Chet Chewmore, a frog who owns a pest-control business and gets hired to de-bug the creepy mansion of Duke Nemesio Nutsfuratu, a brain-sucking vampire squirrel with sinister plans. After becoming trapped in the villain’s mansion in the Land of Windbreak, Chet escapes into an abandoned sunglasses factory, where ultraviolet radiation transforms him into the mighty Ultrafrog.
Suddenly, the humble amphibian can leap farther, croak louder and use his sticky tongue to battle creatures much larger than ordinary flies.
Including flying chipmunks.
Bigness said the character of Ultrafrog first hopped into his imagination when he was a teenager in the late 1970s, inspired by cartoon heroes like Underdog.
“Nutsfuratu came much later,” he said. “I needed a worthy villain.”
The squirrel-inspired bad guy eventually emerged while Bigness was reworking the story as a screenplay around 2005. The name itself is a playful nod to Nosferatu, the classic silent vampire film.
The result is a story packed with absurd humor, over-the-top action and references that local readers might recognize. Bigness sprinkled in names like Saganashkee Slough, Bellydeep Slough and Turtlehead Lake simply because, as he put it, “If it’s silly, it’s in.”
Before diving into children’s fiction, Bigness built a long career in journalism. After graduating summa cum laude from Columbia College Chicago with a journalism degree, he landed his first professional job at The Wall Street Journal, covering hospitality in Dallas. He later returned to Chicago and worked at Chicago Tribune before transitioning into public relations.
Along the way, he also studied sketch comedy at The Second City, an experience that helped shape the fast-paced humor running throughout the book.
Bigness said he became inspired to write children’s stories around 2009 after reading newer, funnier books to his daughter, especially Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus! by Mo Willems.
“I thought it was something I could do given my background in writing and comedy,” he said.
Over the years, he wrote dozens of shorter children’s stories before finally tackling a longer novel aimed at older kids.
After years of pitching publishers and literary agents without success, Bigness decided to stop waiting.
“I finally decided to just put it out into the universe,” he said. “At the very least, it’ll be something tangible for my children and grandchildren to remember me by.”
The book was self-published through Kindle Direct Publishing and released April 28, appropriately enough, on International Save the Frogs Day.
Bigness said one of the joys of writing the novel was continually making it stranger.
“I just kept tweaking it to make it funnier, more chaotic and weirder over time,” he said.
That mission extended beyond entertainment. Bigness said he specifically wanted to create something fun enough to hook reluctant readers.
“My goal was to write a book that is simply funny,” he said. “My hope is that readers enjoy the humor and unusual characters.”
Zombie chickens, vampire squirrels and superhero frogs might sound ridiculous, but Ultrafrog could end up being exactly the kind of chaos young readers have been waiting for.