Surviver shares life-saving secrets to escaping domestic abuse

Tracy Curtis never imagined she would become a voice for survivors of domestic violence. After enduring three years in an abusive relationship, she now uses her story to inspire and support others.

“I was stuck in a trauma bonding relationship,” said Curtis, the Community Education and Outreach Coordinator at the Crisis Center for South Suburbia in Tinley Park. “I’m a very independent person, and that’s how I knew I was in an abusive relationship—because I became completely dependent on him.”

Curtis found herself relying on her abuser for financial support and emotional validation following abusive cycles.

“It’s like substance abuse, except in domestic violence situations, you are addicted to a person,” she said. “Like most women in abusive relationships, I’d find myself making excuses, saying he’s not always so bad, or he must have had a bad week.”

Curtis recently presented “Domestic Violence 102,” a free program held at the Chicago Ridge Public Library. The event, organized to raise awareness and provide education about domestic abuse, aimed to inform the community about the complexities of trauma bonding and the challenges victims face when trying to leave abusive relationships. Hosted by the Crisis Center for South Suburbia, the session is part of ongoing efforts to break the stigma surrounding domestic violence and support both female and male survivors.

Domestic violence remains a persistent public health issue in the United States, impacting millions like Curtis. It often involves aggressive behavior within the home, directed toward a spouse or partner. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that nearly 36% of women and 34% of men nationwide have experienced harm from an intimate partner at some point in their lives. In Illinois, the figures are slightly higher for women (42%) and lower for men (26%), according to Illinois.gov.

“Education and raising awareness of domestic abuse is a key tool in preventing incidents,” Curtis said. “Domestic abuse is still highly stigmatized, and many people don’t realize how prevalent it is. The Crisis Center wants to continue to break the stigma around domestic abuse and its victims, and hopefully reduce the number of incidents and domestic homicides. As a survivor myself, I was looking for a way to explain the platform of ‘why don’t they just leave?’. It’s not that easy, and domestic violence is a very stigmatized topic that a lot of people don’t want to talk about.”

For 40 years, the Crisis Center for South Suburbia has provided hope and services to domestic violence victims through housing, counseling, advocacy, outreach, and prevention programs.

Curtis, who resides in Hobart, Indiana, joined the Crisis Center for South Suburbia in 2022. The Crisis Center was officially incorporated in 1979, though its work began in 1976 when the Committee on Women of the Palos Branch of the American Association of University Women began studying domestic violence in the south suburbs.

“The presentations I offer are not just geared toward women because men can also be victims of domestic abuse,” Curtis said. “We are one of the few shelters in Illinois that provide shelter to male victims. One in three women and one in four men experience physical abuse from an intimate partner. The number for men may be higher because men tend to underreport abuse.”

Curtis’ work emphasizes trauma bonding—an unhealthy attachment that develops between an abused person and their abuser through cycles of harm, manipulation, and subsequent positive reinforcement. “This creates a barrier to leaving the relationship,” she explained. “We can’t ask victims, ‘Why don’t you just leave?’ because that places the blame back on the victim. We need to be putting our focus and emphasis on the abuser.”

The free program at the library was organized by Lori Lysik-Forney, Programming and Marketing Coordinator for the Chicago Ridge Public Library.

“By attending a program on domestic violence, I hope the public gains a deeper understanding of the realities surrounding this issue,” Lysik-Forney said. “I want participants to learn about the different forms of domestic violence, recognize the signs, and understand its impact on individuals and communities. It’s crucial to hold discussions like this, especially for women, as they are disproportionately affected by domestic violence. These conversations create a safe space for women to share experiences, learn, and gain insights into abusive dynamics.”

With continued efforts to raise awareness and provide resources, programs like Domestic Violence 102 aim to empower victims and communities to take action, ultimately reducing the devastating impact of domestic violence.

For assistance, call the Crisis Center for South Suburbia’s 24/7 hotline at 708-429-7233 or reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.