After the Manhattan community’s recent losses, Shelly Lewis and Jennifer Christiansen felt compelled to re-establish a local grief support group, offering hope in the midst of despair and camaraderie in the face of losses no one ever wanted to experience.
The group, Healing Hearts — Hope After Loss, is designed to provide compassionate support, comfort, and resources to those grieving the loss of a loved one.
The losses don’t have to be recent, either; all are welcome, and those feeling apprehensive about coming alone are welcome to bring a support person to accompany them.
Sometimes people feel, or have been told, they should be over a loss after a certain period — whether months or years — and it’s just not the case.
“Grief is chaotic,” Lewis said, explaining it can pop up years after the initial loss, whether it’s that they didn’t deal with it initially or their grief was triggered by something.
“People think they’re going crazy, but it’s normal. Sometimes you feel like you’re having a heart attack, but it’s just grief,” Lewis explained.
The grief group is free, and attendees don’t need to bring anything or reserve their space. All they need to do is show up, Christiansen and Lewis said.
“This is a safe space to share grief with others. There are tools presented to people, but it’s not therapy,” Christiansen explained.
“We even have tissues and candles to light,” Lewis said.
For those who have never attended a grief support group, they can expect a compassionate, safe space to talk or just listen. After sharing, attendees will also get resources and tools to help them navigate their grief journey. The group gives people a space to learn about grief, what to expect from it, and how to live with it.
“It’s a lifelong journey, something you won’t be cured of,” Christiansen said, adding, “It just changes, transforms, until it changes to be more beneficial, love expressed in a different way.”
“We provide information, we do breathwork, and meditation. It’s all about developing a toolbox. Everybody’s different and uses different tools at different times. We provide other resources, too,” Christiansen explained.
The conversations in the group also are kept private, with Lewis and Christiansen emphatic they never want anyone to feel or be exploited.
“A lot of times people just need to be listened to — and to know they aren’t alone in their feelings,” Christiansen said.
Previously, Christiansen hosted a grief group in the basement of St. Joseph Catholic Church in Manhattan and would see anywhere from a couple of people to 15 or more.
“Jen ran it when Jackson died. I was looking for a place to talk because it was too difficult to talk with family and friends. It helped tremendously to get through the grief,” Lewis explained, sharing how the group helped her when she lost her 15-year-old son.
She said the group helped her through her personal grief journey and taught her many things that were new to her.
Self-care is a big part of the group’s focus, empowering people to put themselves first and celebrate small wins. Lewis said sometimes there would be “homework,” but it would be something like taking a shower when they got home.
She explained sometimes that doesn’t always happen when people are faced with a devastating loss. Days blur together, and people forget to take care of themselves, Lewis and Christiansen explained.
Attending the first group session wasn’t easy, and Lewis recalled being terrified, not knowing what to expect. It turned out to be a positive experience that helped her immensely.
“I was happy to be with people who were feeling exactly like me; they might not have experienced the same loss, but we were feeling the same way,” Lewis recalled.
People who have attended the grief group lost parents, siblings, children, and spouses. Though the losses were all different, there was commonality in their grief, and their feelings were all relatable.
“I didn’t know if I could speak about it, but I did through many tears. A little weight was lifted, and it felt like I was able to breathe,” Lewis explained.
Over the summer, Christiansen stepped away, and the group paused its meetings, though members still kept in touch. They wanted to find a way to start it back up, but Christiansen couldn’t commit to doing it full-time alone, which is when Lewis stepped up.
“It’s a way to give back — I just want to help people who felt the way I felt,” Lewis said.
With the community hurting, they wanted to help others the way they had been helped.
“There are blessings in tragedies and in suffering. This just happens to be one of them,” Christiansen said, explaining she felt called to help others.
Christiansen’s story began 30 years ago after her husband was killed by a drunk driver. She said she would cry every time she attended a grief group for widows.
“It was so hard, I didn’t want to go, but I knew it was helping me heal. I made myself go. It was hard, and it would bring up a lot of scary feelings, but it was the first step in healing and becoming whole again,” Christiansen said.
Through healing, Christiansen found strength, a new resiliency and a calling to help others.
“I couldn’t have gotten through it without her,” Lewis said of Christiansen. “I’m in a much better place now,” Lewis added.
The pair hopes to help more people. In restarting the group, the pair sought out a space that did not have any religious affiliation in the hopes people would be more receptive to attending, as there is not a religious component to the group.
For those interested in attending, the first meeting will be held on Sunday, November 23, from 6 to 7:30 p.m., in the Manhattan Village meeting room, 260 Market Place, in Manhattan, with additional meetings set for December 7 and 21. A new calendar will be established after the holidays.
Stephanie Irvine is a freelance reporter.